A brief cry of a small death, murmured within the four walls of the skull, the room and its world, but it's still too biological, too weak - like exhibiting and feeling emotions. Momentary cries of sadness, fear, strength, perseverance - brief orgasms of life, manifestations of normalcy, everyday life and a sign that the world continues to copulate over time. They saw in her a Ma-donna, an exceptional lady: small, big, old, young, fragile, persistent, and for one, she was everything. She fell from the pedestal to below the surface, and did all the flying monkeys looked on in awe at this great little fall? The monkeys had previously jealously watched her from below, but now with grinning muzzles, looking down, straight into her eyes, they clapped loudly. When this one daffodil withered, like other exceptional flowers in the past, they were gathered into a bouquet of tassels, love ended again. A replay of the past and everything for someone became nothing. A nail was driven into her heart, directly and mercilessly. Blood flowed thickly from the tender place, like smeared, dysentery lipstick of a fame-fatale. The price of being strong, perfect, desirable, and beautiful every day and every night, when inside loneliness plays the melody of apathy on the ribs. She became a cold she-fridgerator because how many times can one be the whiteness of the canvas when the greatest human gift to others: trust, is shattered a hundred times, and hundreds of drops of blood fall on this innocence? But nonetheless, the indestructi-belle rises from her knees, from the filthy floor, and stares them down hard right into their skulls: the flying monkeys, the daffodils, because she knows that it is not her time for eternal slumber in the dark graveyard of metal corpses. She must be strong, determined, and like a light shell, like a well-oiled machine, rise up and go forward, though those eyes are just waiting... she must be a seagull, which survives everything and finds herself everywhere... but lonely, and all she is able to make is a silent scream of strength melted into a cube of burnout. That's how every day, gathering burnt scrambled eggs from the floor, she laughs at them all and at herself, because black humor saves her life, which is like shittiness with scrambled eggs: it's just a mix of pre-made salads of irony, humor, and sarcasm. The paintress returns to those childhood times, but not the innocence, when grandma's slice of bread with butter and sugar was the only allowed sweetness. She remembers that joy when one bite was like a flight to heaven among clouds, birds, and, back then, doing nothing – just being oneself was enough to stand on the pedestal of love. She thinks about what happened, that she became the only child of her life, how did it come to this? Since she was so brave, courageous, determined, and stubborn, then why did this happen? Misfortunes never come singly, said the anxious monkeys, and a succession of daffodils, gazing into her eyes, reflecting their sickly images. No one told her that the sometimes bitter benzo-pills turn fate into hell; a real avalanche of bad shit, and no one advised on how to swim in this cesspool. She learned this herself, despite the inundation, where the internal battle for every breath of life cost more blood, tears, and sweat than the human norm predicted. Crawling out of it each time, she ripped the skin and flesh covering from her hands. The only friend of the paintress was stress, a daily companion, which verbally communicated to her what to do. She bit the meat off her fingers so hard that they turned red forever. Bit by bit, she faded from this world. The dysentery of being, a disease of the soul? Nothing could be further from the truth, it's an ordinary thing and a consequence of constantly pushing the limits. Such a gray existence without flair, to return to the pedestal one day, but the paintress learned from her mistakes and concluded that she would never touch the throne of love again. It was once at the top of her Maslow's pyramid, but it became an unnecessary illusion. Never again will she fall into the traps of naivety, helplessness, and subordination to the will of a withered stem, whose bud has long gone limp. More than once she caught a great eye, seemingly warm, good, emanating love, but it always turned out to be a frigid sheet of darkness. With each blink, she recoiled tighter and tighter into the depths of herself, sealing off her very being. She was lost in the pupil of promises, missing the flying monkeys and red lanterns of tired fingers. Only the eye mattered. The more she gave, the less she had left, but she knew how to swim, so she floated and drowned alternately in the darkness, bearing more and so on endlessly. The little I-lid cast the shadow of a big wolf, but she was devoured by another predator in the art of survival food chain. It was the mythical man. When she fell out from under his eyelid, she finally saw the truth: the omnivores were dismembering her slowly. She didn't know how to make herself whole, to put the puzzle of herself together, so she just sat dead in the chair. In the end, only she and the whiteness of the canvas remain.